There’s a song that came on my Top Country Radio the other day that I couldn’t help but listen to on repeat. The song was “Villain” by Lily Rose.
It was the chorus that struck me.
“You can be the hero, I can take the fall
If that’s how your story goes, say it’s all my fault
Whatever helps you sleep at night
Yeah, you can make me the bad guy
Make ’em all believe it
If that’s how you’re feeling
I can be the villain”
I looked up the definition of a villain on Miriam-Webster:
1: a character in a story or play who opposes the hero
2: a deliberate scoundrel or criminal
3: one blamed for a particular evil or difficulty
This chorus made me realize how rarely people acknowledge their own shortcomings at the end of a relationship. Especially when the pain is new, white-hot and raw.
Everyone has their own narrative inside their head. In turn, it makes sense that feelings on who’s at fault for something falling apart will differ between each person. Even if they were both there in the same situations, fights, and the stupid words said that led to an impasse. Besides, who ever really wants to admit its their fault or they did something wrong? It’s much easier to blame the other person, be the victim, rather than admit we’re not perfect and sometimes we hurt people intentionally or not.
I’ve always been one to readily admit my faults, however, I’m also ruthlessly stubborn. We walk away from experiences and emotions with one side of the story, one point of view. Yes, while theres some accuracy to our own narrative, its also a very narrow-minded view. It made me think “Whose story am I the villain in? Nobody is the villain in their own story. We’re all the hero in our own story”. But then I thought the other persons perspective of a situation, with the right storytelling, you’ll be the villain in someone else’s movie. Even if you’ve never had a romantic relationship end you’re the bad guy in someone’s point of view from some interaction you had with them whether it be a coworker, friend, family member, or even acquaintance.
I’ve always loved fairy-tales and happily ever after (I leave a trail of pixie dust wherever I go) so the concept of a villain deeply intrigues me. When most people think of a villain they thing of a Disney, Marvel, or Harry Potter character. The fact, is the concept of a villain is just based on the basic reality of humanity. Even going back further you can see the idea rooted in most religions.
So that begs the question. Can you accept the concept that you’re not perfect? That maybe just maybe that thing you were/are mad about wasn’t just someone else’s fault. Maybe you had a hand in it? That most likely somewhere out there someone doesn’t like you, and guess what? To them they have a perfectly valid reason why, just like you have a perfectly valid reason why you’ve been hurt by other people.
This post is a long time coming, I’ve been contemplating these thoughts for about a year. But these thoughts have made me a better person. They’ve helped me grow, forgive people, move on from the past, and be a better partner, daughter, and friend.
Trust me, I have villains in my life story. But the truth is, I wouldn’t be the person I am today had they not come into my life. I’ve fought my own battles with metaphorical dragons and I came out stronger. I forgive the villains in my life, for myself. It’s not healthy to hold onto those feelings. Holding on to negativity is just poisoning yourself every day. I got tired of being Snow White biting the apple.
It’s on you to let things go, and choose to move on and be better for it. Closure is a scam. It just doesn’t exist. There will always be things left undone, unsaid or things either party would like to go back and redo or not say. But life isn’t a movie, there no magic spell or time-turner, no rewind button. I truly believe the better way to look at closure is the end of a chapter, and the beginning of a new better chapter.
Until next time, cheers 🥂🍾
Coffee, Cats, & Champagne 