I’ve heard if you’re friends for longer than seven years that your friendship is for life.
I knew of Ivy and had met her several times throughout my life before we really connected in 2017 (seven years ago). We’re actually relatives.
Per her own speech at my wedding “Long story short, I’m Lindsay’s cousin, but if you really want to know the full story you can ask the bride herself and she’ll put out miscellaneous items on the table and display the who family tree”. Which is entirely accurate, I definitely did that in 2022. At her bachelorette party when one of her friends asked us what exactly the family relation was. It’s just so complicated, visual aids help.
Rewind seven years ago; I was 24 years old and was living in a two bedroom apartment close to a major metropolitan city at the time. She reached out to me because she had received a prestigious internship for the summer in said city and wanted advice on finding an apartment in the city. I knew immediately nobody not creepy was going to rent a petite 21 year old female a space for less than three months that was going to be safe for a reasonable price.
I told her I had an extra room and I’d rather her stay with me in a safe area, with security, near the metro station so that if she needed anything I could be there. I only needed to confirm with the person I was living with at the time. In all honesty, I didn’t think it be an issue with them if she stayed with us. I was correct; they did not have a problem and encouraged it for many of the reasons I wanted her to stay. I told her she was good to stay for the summer, no rent. She refused because she didn’t want to impose. We went round in circles for about three hours until I basically said I insist that’s what family is for.
Our other mutual cousin Aubrie actually ended up reaching out for similar advice for her internship a few days later and I offered her the same as long as Ivy was cool with sharing room. You do for family. Neither Ivy nor I became as close to Aubrie that summer. That wasn’t our choice, we didn’t leave her out, she preferred to do her own thing in the city. I felt better though because I could check to make sure they both made it home each night and that they had food to eat. Caring too much has alway been both a strength and weakness for me.
My father taught me if you’re in a position to help someone you should and I was fortunate to be in that position.
Inviting Ivy into my home was one of the best choices I made in my life. Again, I knew of her, but we weren’t close prior to that summer. Previously, we saw each other at family gatherings. We were in different states and different parts of our lives and never connected.
Ivy is the Monica to my Rachel, the Christina to my Meredith, the Rory to my Lorelei. Yes, I know I just aged myself with those references. She’s my person, she will always be my person.
We spent the summer working and we explored the city together. We got to know each other dancing and singing to Backstreet Boys (amongst other bands and singers), watching Gossip Girl, she baked a ton of cupcakes which never lasted very long and talked about anything and everything and played with Oreo and Bellatrix.
I cried the day she moved out….. We’ll rewind a bit further here. I’m an only child who always wanted a sister. My mother wasn’t supposed to have children and was lucky to have me. Ivy is the sister I never had.
The woman amazes me everyday and we rarely see each other in person (We still live in different states). I watched her go from freaking out about her future and last year of college to being a powerful career woman who kills it at work. I watched her say she was never getting married or even dating because “men suck” to being happily married to the perfect man for her.
She’s graceful, organized, intelligent, caring, sarcastic and somehow balances everything effortlessly. When she reads this she’ll yell at me about how wrong she thinks I am. (We’re very similar people).
She supported me through a disastrous breakup, me completely changing careers, and online dating. She helped Tyler pick out my diamond, design my engagement ring, and plan the proposal. She was there for the toxic work drama, stress of buying a home, wedding planning. And more importantly, she’s been there to support me on my health journey.
I was there through her senior year, finding a job, meeting her husband -which by the way all I got was “Idk he’s actually really, really handsome, actually funny and he does have a job” (I may have been in protective sister mode but I liked him from the start for her), her wedding and work stress. I’ve supported Ivy through other struggles and things as well over the past seven years but those are not mine to share. I will continue to support her through anything and everything. She knows I’m a text or a phone call away and I’d be on a plane or in my car driving to be there as soon as possible.
We basically talk almost every day. I mean we do have jobs, husbands, houses to keep up with, animals, parents, and in-laws. Sometimes things get in the way. Even when we do have weeks we don’t keep in touch, we pick right back up. We’re anywhere from cheerleaders, vent sessions, to the really hard stuff. She and I are open books. I don’t show my true full self to many people and she knows everything and she really doesn’t open up to many people. I can’t say I know everything. She is a very private person. I am honored that she trusts me to talk about the real stuff that she does share and I will never break that trust.
We do the fun stuff too. Either just talking or when we can coordinate seeing each other. Halloween parties in her old apartment, I drove down for her to try on wedding dresses, she flew up for my dress search, bachelorette parties in two different beaches, duckpin bowling, brunch, and late nights talking or playing card games.
We’re also the people who are completely honest with each other and will state stop overthinking, being stupid, and breathe. I know if I ask her opinion, I’m going to get a blunt answer, whether I like it or not. I don’t tend to hold back with her either. Sometimes a friend is the person that tells you what you don’t want to hear, but need to.
We were MOH in each other’s weddings. During planning periods we each tried our best to calm each other down and psych each other up. The nights before each of us got married we had an us only girls night and did face masks and somehow got the other one to actually get some sleep. We spent each day-of getting ready and confirmed each other ate and drank water. We took each other’s phones so that any issues came to the other person and not the bride.
Both of our mothers are older and tried to get us into our dresses, but ultimately couldn’t do the small buttons on the crazy expensive pieces of linens and lace or hook the pearl necklaces. So we stepped in. You know, all the things that your best friend does. There were hiccups at each wedding and I tried my best to calm her and she efficiently calmed me. At the end of the day, each wedding was a party, it was glitter, what mattered was that she married her husband and I married mine.
She convinced me to buy my darn Cinderella shoes. Since I was twelve, I dreamed of crystal Louboutin’s or Jimmy Choo’s whenever I got married. Jimmy Choo came out with the perfect Mary Jane’s the season I found my dress. The strap being covered in pearls. I’m a super vintage pearl girl. I had the money, I couldn’t quite bring myself to spend that much on shoes. Not when I was paying for the wedding myself.
Everyday for a year, this woman texted me “did you buy them?”. Her argument was I had wanted them for eighteen years, I only get married once, I can and will wear them again, I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t, and I never buy anything for myself. Fed up with me, she told me she would buy them if I didn’t. I wouldn’t let her do that, she knew that. That mischievous minx, she played me… I went on the site and they happened to be on sale! Jimmy Choo rarely does sales. I took that as a sign and bought the shoes. She was right, as she most often is, I would’ve regretted it had I not worn them during my ceremony. Poor her, had to help me in them underneath my giant train of lace. When they were on she said “See I told you, perfect!”.
She runs, and has been running longer than I do, for over a decade. Her PR will always be better than mine but it doesn’t matter. I don’t compete with my friends, we win together. Plus there’s just no comparison she’s too good 😂. Compared to me she’s an elite runner. If I ever get over 11 minutes a mile consistently I’ll be surprised. She’s about an eight minute mile-ON A BAD RUN. The woman did a marathon. I’ll never do that, don’t really have a desire to. She laughed at me when I complained that my Apple Watch was off sync to my treadmill.I got an “I told you so”. I pray she is always able to continue her running. I know how much peace her running gives her.
What amazes me the most about her is how pure her soul is to the people she loves. How little she needs and asks for. How much she loves and gives. Lastly, how kind she is. She may complain to me later- I mean who doesn’t talk stuff to their friend. Ultimately, she’s a really honest, humble, fabulous person.
I love she found someone who supports her and loves her as much as her husband does. That they make the most of the good and the bad. I am so thankful she found her partner. They seem to always remember the choice they made the day they got married to put each other first. She deserves nothing less.
Because of her, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more. Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend to turn to. Even if it’s just a text or phone call because we can’t physically meet for coffee unless we coordinate a lot of life things. Distance means so little when someone means so much. She knows all of me but still chooses to love my crazy self.
My friendship with her isn’t one big thing- it’s the million little things. She makes the good time better and the hard time easier. I really hope I do the same for her because our relationship has never been a one way street. However, I can’t speak for her.
Sometimes, I think she knows me better than I know myself. I don’t know what I did to deserve her in my life. I’ve said it before, choices have ripple effects and thank God she reached out to me on a whim in 2017. Thank God I was in a position to help. They were pieces in this puzzle called life that helped create the bigger picture I slowly get to see.
The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is to be able grow separately without growing apart.
On the day she got married, I prayed that her good times would come in abundance, her bad times would be few and far between and that her life would be filled joy and laughter. That is still part of my prayers each night.
I say I love you to my inner circle all the time because you never know when it may be your last chance.
Ivy, I’d walk through fire for you. Well not fire, that would be dangerous. A super humid room… but maybe not too humid because you know… my hair.
Until next time, cheers🥂🍾
Coffee, Cats, & Champagne 