My mom and I visited my grandfather last weekend. It’s around a four to five hour drive for us both ways. Distance doesn’t matter when someone means so much.
My Papa is 86 years young. He lives independently in the house he had built in the 80’s on a little less than three acres. He’s highly intelligent and keeps his mind busy and is relatively healthy other than he is losing sight in one of his eyes. He’s the only grandparent I have left.
I had six to start. My mom’s parents got divorced when she was in high school and they both eventually remarried. Both of their spouses treated me and loved me like I was their blood. They didn’t have to do that, they chose to.
In 2011, a few months after starting college we lost my mom’s stepfather. In 2015, unexpected we lost my grandmother on my father’s side. Almost exactly a year later, we lost my Papa on my father’s side; also unexpectedly. Most people hate 2020 due to the pandemic. I’ll admit it wasn’t my favorite. Though, 2019 was worse for me. In January, we lost my grandma who was married to my Papa and to bookend the year, we lost my mother’s mother in December. The only saving grace for 2019 was I met my husband.
I also assume this was my Papa’s worst year. He loved both of my grandmother’s even though he and my mother’s mom had been divorced for over thirty years.
My Papa has lived a long and eventful life. He had a career as an engineer and worked for a major company. He invented things ahead of their time. Things we now use everyday. He has travelled all over the world for work and pleasure. I actually have two photo albums in my living room from the 80’s when my grandparents travelled around Asia.
He has the funniest stories from his work travels with powerful businessman in different countries. He has stories with my grandmother from some of those trips as and their trips to Europe. Every time I see him, I absorb this history. One day I want to pass these stories down and it’s my role to do that.
He keeps his mind going. He spends most of the day analyzing finances and investing. Whenever I’m looking to buy, I ask him. He looks at data over decades to decide what he wants to pursue. He knows the latest technologies and who the players in the game are. He knew who Elon Musk was before I did.
He still goes after his passions, such as Ham Radio. When I was little, he would let my cousins and me goon his channel and talk to people. He built me a morse code machine in elementary school and taught me how to use it. My grandparents used to volunteer at a kids discovery center and he would teach kids about technology.
Before he started to lose his sight, when things stopped working he would take them apart. He wanted to figure out how they worked. I remember my grandmother telling me he was dissecting her electric toothbrush in his workshop because it had died. Simply because the engineering of the machine and inter-workings was intriguing to him. Mainly because when he started his career computers were in large warehouses, now you have it in your hand.
I have so many memories with my grandparents that I cherish. In his house, sitting on his lap with his player piano. With my grandmother, when I helped her do laundry and she told me about the paper dolls she had as a child, which were her equivalent to American Girl Dolls. Them coming up to every dance recital or competition (way too many). Meeting them with my mom, aunt, and cousins at Cici’s pizza (are they still around?) and them going hunting at a thrift stores.
My cousins and I would take turns riding in the passenger seat of his 1930’s MG style replica car (could be off on the decade and make) with him in the drivers seat going around the curves and hills of the woods. He and grandma used to drive that car in the St Patrick’s day parades.
He used to collect Garfields. Garfield was published on June 19, 1978 by Jim Davis. My Papa goes by Jim and his birthday in June 19th. I think at one point he had over a thousand Garfield items in his home (many of which were given to him by my family or his friends). He could buy anything he wanted, therefore we got him novelty Garfields.
I remember when his office was covered in so many Garfield plushies. When I was little I used to be in awe of all of them. I also had an orang tabby and I thought the coincidence was so cool. I think he even had a Garfield phone and lamp. He donated most of his Garfield collection to Habitat for Humanity so that they could be sold to help build homes for deserving people when my grandmother was becoming ill. He kept a few key pieces. I have a Garfield poster in my office from his office.
Papa gave me a book he purchased off of eBay. He said he noticed I use many quotes in my blog. It’s The Prentice-Hall Encyclopedia of World Proverbs by Wolfgang Miedler. Miedler took 18,520 proverbs from continents and most languages around the world and translated them into the English language for this resource. I wanted to look up Grandparent, there wasn’t one; there was one for Grandchild. I laughed when I saw the root language of Japanese. Papa spent many of his years traveling back and forth to Japan for work and loves their culture, he even took some courses on the language in the 80’s.
“The first grandchild is more beloved than one’s own child.” I was the first grandchild on my mother’s side. My parents have pictures of all of my grandparents in the hospital holding me. In fact, my mother’s mom was the first person to hold me. My Papa would’ve been 54 about to turn 55 (if I can do math correctly) in the photos of him. He retired from his company the next year to spend time with his family.
I can’t say if that proverb is true or not. Papa loves his daughters and my cousins. He does what he can for all of us. He has gone above and beyond to help us all. He helped with my college education which I am forever grateful for. My parents and I were not planning on him helping. I was applying for loans when he gave me a check at my high school graduation. He stated he made a promise to himself to help his grandchildren with their education and he was keeping that promise
When we were planning our wedding, a big consideration into our venue was the accessibility to the people we wanted to actually be there. Growing up, I always wanted a Disney wedding in front of the castle. That dream got bigger when I worked there in the college program and saw brides getting out of a pumpkin carriage. Number one, I didn’t want to spend the equivalent of a four bedroom home on my wedding. Number two, it’s a lot to ask people to travel to Florida from different states and pay for exorbitantly expensive prices for hotel rooms for one day for Tyler and me.
We ended up finding the perfect venue that screamed “us” within a reasonable distance of where most of our core group could make it. It was about two hours from my Papa’s house. An old family friend agreed to drive him so he wouldn’t have to make the drive.
I danced with Papa at my wedding. I chose “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton. My bustle came undone during our dance and he picked up my cathedral length train and put it over his shoulder to continue dancing. It was not a planned moment but a great funny memory. At the end of the dance, he hugged me and said words that I think about everyday. He told me “my prayer is that you are always as happy as you are in this moment”.
I think my bridesmaids all danced with Papa at the wedding. One bridesmaid convince him to get up and dance with her when the Krispy Kreme flambé station was open. He danced with her while holding a donut. The photo is one of my favorites. He looks so happy. She loves him from that encounter and what they spoke about.
He’s a grumpy old Irish man and proud of it. He’d be disappointed if I didn’t write that about him. He has an “Irish Pub” in his basement. Decorated with pieces from his Ireland trips. It’s stocked with wine, whisk(e)y, and scotch. His favorite is The Famous Grouse scotch whisky. During his travels to that area, that’s what the locals drank.
I work from home and I have the sit-to-stand desk setup with an ergonomic chair, walking pad, and multiple monitors. Very modern. In that room, I also have a wooden doll tricycle my Papa made back in the 90’s (my guess). When I’m having a bad day I look at the tricycle and remember what Papa told me at my wedding. There’s something about the stark contrast of the vintage tricycle with the contemporary furniture and high tech things that I love.
That’s life though isn’t it? A stark contrast over time. Moving forward. Adapting to the changing world while keeping your values and trying to remember the old things, the nostalgia.
In March, Papa gave me this little nugget of insight. I told him when I was younger, each day and year seemed to go by so slowly. Now it feels that time is flying by. He said that’s because when you are little an hour, a day, or a year is a greater proportion of your life. For example, if you’re ten years old, one year is one-tenth of the life you’ve lived. As you age, each year is a lesser proportion of your life. It goes by relatively quicker. It was an interesting way to think about it aging and the concept of time.
My whole family is traveling to see my Papa again in a few weeks. It’s difficult to get a bunch of grown adults in different areas with different schedules to agree on a time and place. I’m excited to see everyone, some we haven’t seen since our wedding. We’ll be making on of my Papa’s favorite recipes and it should be a great time.
All my grandparents made it a goal to be in my life. They did things for me when I didn’t realize it. I now understand how loved I was by so many wonderful people.
Being part of a family means you are part of something wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what. Sometimes in this busy world, we forget the simple things that are important and we need to take a step back to remember what truly matters.
Until next time, cheers🥂🍾
Coffee, Cats, & Champagne 